I want to thank you Michelle Obama for bringing back the brown skin sista! This is for you world! Since we’ve been here, us brown skin sistas have been looked over, run over and passed over. For too long we’ve taken a back seat to straightness, longness, lightness and whiteness. But it’s a new day world, here comes Michelle Obama. You are the standard girl!!!!!
This post is for all those brothers who trampled over me to get to a fat white woman. This is for all those boys on the playground who chased my light, long haired friend and called me ugmo! This is for all you brown skin sistas who couldn’t buy a date if a mulatto was within a 5 feet radius. This is for all the brown and black little girls who never see themselves on music videos. This is for that little girl who went with me on my Meals on Wheels route, who felt she had to have straight hair to be an actress. This is for all you uppity light Negroes in the Links and Jack and Jill (your parties suck anyway!). This is for all my relatives who begged my father to comb my hair when he wanted me to wear it natural. This is for you Beyonce! This is for that idiot who was throwing the “light skin” party in Detroit. This is for you Pantene commercials!
FINALLY! Us brown skin sistas got a bad bitch other than Oprah we can look up to. Thank you Michelle for not having to have a weave down your back to be fabulous.
This is for all you celebrity men who feel you gotta go light to be right. This is for that guy in college who told my roommate, “you look good for a dark-skin girl”, this is for that guy who once told me that light skin girls coochie is wetter. This post is for you world! You have been tough on the brown sistas, but its only made us stronger. We’ve sat back in the cut being ignored. But we’ve been watching and waiting and now our time has finally come. Michelle Obama will do for us, what Michael Jordan did for dark-skin bald dudes (Jimmy)!
But moreso, thank you Michelle for being a great role model. For showing us younger women struggling to find our way, that maybe you can have it all. For showing us what love and support and dedication really means. And in a world filled with Gabrielle Union/Morris Chestnut movies and Norbit and sex tapes and Roscoe Jenkins—thank you Michelle and Barack for showing us what Black love really is. And I know, I know we never know what goes on behind closed doors, but what they are doing out front sho’ does look good.
P.S.
Thanks dad for not combing my hair!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I love you for making me comfortable just being me.
Peace People.
36 comments:
As a 'mulatto' myself (although I do prefer to be called a black woman), I don't see her just bringing 'brown black', although I definitely understand where you're coming from.
Whether she was brown, red, light, or some shade in between, she is above all a black woman married to a black man, and that in itself is an accomplishment nowadays!
When I first started keeping track of Obama, all I could do was pray that his wife was black. I guess that's become second nature nowadays with some black women when they see a black man and hear that he's married, "Girl, I hope his wife is black", is typically what comes out of my girlfriend's mouths.
The Obama's are the epitome of a Strong Black Love! She's not only standing by her man, she's standing WITH him in unison!
Thank you for this post. Now watch some light skinned chick get all up in arms because you spoke your own personal truth; which happens to "oh so resonate" with me. It's been my experience that many light women get so offended by hearing a dark sister's truth. But what are we supposed to do? Pretend that we aren't rejected on the levels that we are?
Now I agree...it doesn't matter what color you are cause at the end of the day we are all black women. And I no longer believe that light skinned women have it any easier because they are light...cause it can't feel good to be "chosen"because your skin color is deemed to be better or be reminded on the daily that you have white genes in you or just the idea that people think that you automatically think you're better baggage......
But I will say that it feels good to know that Obama doesn't have some typical light skinned/bi or tri-racial/ trophy wife on his arm.
First of all, let me just say that I am a light-skninned female. And no I am not stuck up, nor do I think that I'm better than anyone else. But I also understand what you are saying about darker skinned women. And I agree with it. I have any friends that are brown/dark-skinned and I see the way they are treated.....it's sad. With that being said, I just want to say, that I am all for Mr. Obama and his wife, Michelle. And I do believe that she would be and is a wonderful roll model for today's young black women. It's nice to see a woman that all of us can look up to that isn't out here showing skin everytime you see her.
Its really sad that in 2008, black women still have to deal with the whole light skinned/dark skinned ordeal. I am 43 years old and I am determined to instill all the self esteem and confidence I can in my little chocolate covered beautiful 7 year old baby girl.
I hate to admit it, but those old images that I fought against when I was young are still out there. Being dark skinned, I know all too well about what you are saying. I struggeled to finally love myself and love the way I look, but it is hard when every message you get from the media and those around you tell you that you are not what the world considers to be beautiful or worthy.
I also admit that I do see more variations of our whole color spectrum than what was being shown in the 70's and 80's. But the messages are still clear at times. I am glad that Obama's wife is black as well, but isnt it a shame that we have all been conditioned to have the same thought process of hoping his wife reflected us? The fact that we even think this way is indicative of the issue before us.
And just for the record, back in the day, I too had the unfortunate pleasure of hearing those idiotic words from a so called brother: "your not like other dark skinned girls" I guess he thought he was complimenting me, but it was an insult that I will never forget.
And
I HATED that Norbit movie. That movie sealed my opinion that Eddie Murphy has lost his cottin pickin mind! Why was the "desired" female or "heroine" of the movie all skinny and dang near white with a personality that was all about goodness and light, but the villian of the movie was a morbidly obese, evil, dark skinned, black woman who was repulsive to look at. It says a lot about how he views us. And when people like him (media, celebrity etc..) make those kinds of statements, its no wonder why some of us still come away with an image of self hate.
Sorry for the rant, but thanks for this article
i love how real you keep it. i love that you're not afraid to hold back.
i get your point and I know the issues upon issues that we face as a people but she represents me too. i may not be her exact skin tone but i dont need to be...she is a very good example of what so many black women are regardless of the colorism...i want to reiterate that I get your point and it grates my nerves something to terrible to hear the ass-backwards things that black men and black women say about but this post, as well as the regular garbage that gets conveyed in magazines/videos and spewed ignorantly in real life conservations and music, is unneccesariloy divisive in my humble opinion.
ive never looked at michelle and said wow she is representing for the brown sistas let me--that has never occured to me ( which i will admit will be in support of your point since its not something that i would have noticed since the bs hasnt been shoved in my face as much as on of my brown-ner(made up word)...all in all..when i look at the two of them i see a beautiful BLACK couple and that makes me feel damn good
Can I slap the dude with the "... light skin girls coochie is wetter" comment? How ridiculous!!!
I never had a problem with light skin/dark skin/black-black love/black-white love until I started hearing colorist statements in college. Then, it was hard not to notice that black guys were with light/non-black women all over my campus and I heard the sentiment echoed over and over. It became a big hang-up for me, and I became resentful of interracial couples. Thankfully, I realized that I should never let anyone steal GIVE me their baggae, and now I'm all for love in all colors.
I think Michelle Obama is awesome - black or not - and I respect Barack's interracial heritage.
As a man of mixed heritage...it's painfully obvious he couldn't win for losing no matter what choice he made in the wife "department"...depending on which people you ask.
If he'd have picked a woman who matched his mixed heritage, he'd be seen as "wrong" by Black women...but to him, he would simply be reflecting his desire (if it had been a conscious desire) to have a woman who could share his genetic POV in this world with.
I love Obama and support him and I love that his wife is not a status quo "object d'art"...but I would love their symbol of a united and unspoiled (as far as we know) love story even if she was a mixed woman who he'd been with just as long.
I'm a light-skinned chick, and even I hoped she was not light-skinned (so we could avoid hearing another reason for why Blacks shouldn't/couldn't/wouldn't support him in his candidacy) or of a whole different racial background.
I respect your opinion and agree there has been a long-standing occurence of dark-skinned-girl disrespect. However, as part of a multi-race family and auntie to a set of nieces who are often confused as "all White," I have to also be a careful proponent of the fact that all women of color...Black women...regardless of a particular hue...be respected across the board and be treated by the content on their character...and not by the Blackness of their skin. Their genetic code is not their fault and they should not be damned for simply being lighter than the dark-skinned girls at school...in the world...or in life....just as it should be done the other way around.
LOVE your blog! Keep on keeping it real...and honest.
Damn Jam, I honestly thought we'd moved beyond all this. I grew up in The Bay and shade of brown wasn't that big of a deal. Hell, growing up, it was nothing to see a black woman hand in hand with a white man in Berkeley. Now, I am that Black woman. I know that some of the shade issues are still there. I myself am light and DO NOT condone the color-struck behavior of our brothers. I can't stand attention and it's even worse when I'm with my friends, most of whom are darker than me. I am a light-skinned Black woman and I am proud of my heritage. All of it. I've worked hard over the years to make sure that I didn't say or do something that my friends (and even family) could misconstrue and call me stuck up. I've worked too hard for this shit to still be going on. I was the one teased and called 'white-girl' for looking how I look. That shit ain't my fault. I feel you on bullshit that darker-skinned women have gone through, my mother is the color of hot fudge(!) but I will not let anyone demonize me for being light. I made it a point to be friendly to everyone but instead I got teased, picked on and threatened for not being dark enough; not being 'down' enough. I did a lot of work to accept, love and respect myself and my heritage. I hope you and all your readers do the same. Love and respect have to start from within, not from what someone else said about you beautiful chocolate skin being too dark.
I dont think this is what you were implying but just in case...
I hope noone is taking this as a demonization of my light and white sistas. I love all y'all.... Its not about you at all. Some of my best friends are light skinded. :-)
This post was strictly limited to being an account of the journey that most darker sisters have in this world.
to dr kiti,
i think that is the whole point of this article. It states that we have ALL been scarred somekind of way by this "colorstruckness" that others have placed upon us. It is a shame that it still exists, but the fact that it does, means that our children will eventually experience it on some level and that breaks my heart. We each must make an effort to teach our young ladies to love themselves and not depend on the acceptance of others or it will continue to repeat itself.
You said that you did a lot of work to learn how to "accept love and respect yourself and your heritage" So did I. It hurts to remember all of it, but now I know that those who placed those wounds on me were probably wounded themselves. And some of them were just plain ignorant. So I stopped placing value on the opinions of ignorant people and realized that I am just as fabluous as any woman out here.
It seems that you and I may be opposites sides of the same coin. I have nothing against light skinned women. My mom is very fair. She went out of her way to make sure I did not listen to the negative comments about my skin color. (Being raised in the south post jim crow era was very hard on a dark child). Just for the record the women in my family (mostly fair skinned) are the reason why I have so much self esteem today. But a lot of women out here may not be blessed with the family circumstances I had, and their wounds my never heal.
At times I still cringe when I see others place value on women based on the shade. It is not the women I have a problem with, but rather my beef is with men and other establisments who still hold on to the idea that lighter is better.
I hope you feel my heart as I am righting this, because when I read your comment, I felt your past pain because it mirrors mine. Stay strong and keep spreading your words of self confidence to the little future divas out there of all shades!
Preach GIRL!!! I feel you on every word. The color complex is real and although we would like to believe that we have evolved past the brown paper bag test, in reality we haven't. It takes time for many of us brown sisters to realize and accept our beauty both inside and out but with women like Mrs. Obama and Oprah "bringing brown back", we will get there and the world WILL follow.
I hands down agree with everything that was mentioned in this blog. Us brown girls have been stepped on,laughed at,pointed at,name called and everything else you can think of. We have lost our identity as black women and don't even know it.I have begun to get rid of my perm and set my locks free...It's refreshing! I salute Michele Obama and encourage her to uplift black women everywhere. Feel free to check out my blog adanie14.blogspot.com
I agreed with everything up until the Gabrielle Union line. She's dark skinned and holds herself with the utmost respect. And frankly, I don't think she's gotten ENOUGH publicity.
calling her a b ruined it for me.
Sorry the B-word offended you. I just dont have a particular sensitivity to that word (or most words). I hope you dont think it was used as anything but a compliment. Dont worry, ive called Beyonce a bad bitch too. But I will say if you get offended at the b-word, some of the other posts are gonna knock your socks off. Frankly, i wish someone would call me a bad bitch, because being just a mediocore one will never do. :-)
Also, i think to discount a whole expression of thought because you disagree with one word, is unfortunate and limiting. I think too often we feel we have to agree with everyone's everything in order to consider what they say valuable. I think we should we be a little more patient with each other and our diversity of thoughts and views. Some of us find no issue wuith the b-word or n-word or p-word, j/k :-). So lets not kick them all out of the discussion because we may miss something good. Conversely, some of these positive brothas and sistas who call themselves kings and queens and light incense, use african oils and wear naturals and spell America, Amerikka--some of them aint talkin bout shit.
But I digress, sorry you were offended. Hope it wont stop you from coming back--but be forewarned, i can have a potty mouth at times. :-)
Wow...this is funny because a friend of mine and I were actually just having this disussion. We have a mutual associate who is darker and she has issues with herself because of her complexion; and she's a cute girl. I can't really empathize because I wouldn't be considered a dark skinned woman. But at the end of the day, I do have things about myself that I do not like and I can't change. So with that said, to be hurt as a child, and as a teen, is understandable. You're getting to know yourself, you're vulnerable, and how others see you can often help to shape how you see yourself. But ladies, at some point, I hate to sound insensitive, but you need to get past it within yourself. If by age 30 you are still feeling some type of way because of your complexion then you are the problem not others. You can't control what others think about you or what their standards of beauty are. That's in the eye of the Beholder.
I used to date a guy who was mixed and he was EXTEMELY light. But he was georgeous. Im talking model georgeous. Funny thing is neither one of us were each other's type. I'm usually drawn to darker men, and he likes dark women. But I wasn't going to start feeling some type of way about myself because of his preference. Bottom line, I think Naomi is one of the "baddest bitches" ever. My girl Alek Wok kills them, too. And while I'm a Beyonce fan, her looks to me are average. Bottom line, let your inner beauty and confidence shine! That is how you make a difference on perception. Love yourself first and others will take notice. Bless.
Mulatto is an offfensive term; just as any racist term. Just letting you know.
OK. Thanks Anon for "letting me know." Newsflash: no kidding. I use words for impact, for effect-- just as mulatto is an offensive term so is the concept of pushing me onto the floor to chase a light skinned woman. I was just showing how ridiculous and ante-bellum the whole scenario was. Sorry you were offended.
Ms. Jam, you are certainly a BAD BITCH! You run this site and speak you m***f*** mind like a bad bitch should. I'm just knocked over by how many educating, uplifting (Black) and stimulating sites there are and yours is one of my favorites. Rock on wit' yo badd self!
ok I'm a dark-skinned sister and I AM SO PROUD of it. I can honestly say there has never been a time when i felt over looked or under rated because of my complexion. To be quite honest I feel that most of the man I have dated and encountered were drawn my chocolate tone. I get so saddened when I hear these stories of little dark skinned girls wishing to be light or damn near white. I feel that if us dark-skinned ladies want the worlds outlook to change you have to love what you see in the mirror first. True I have always heard your so pretty for a dark skinned girl and your hair is so long for a dark skinned woman. But I take that as an insult rather then a compliment because in my opinion I am beautiful in all categories and arena's with or without my complexion. I'm rambling like most 18 year olds do....so my point is dark skinned sisters stop seeing your color as a burden instead see it as a blessing because it truly is. And stop raising your daughters to be ashamed of there beautiful complexion. Because I turn the heads of different ethnicity and complexioned man everyday. So if the brothers arent giving you love in your state please come to TEXAS because we are certainly a hot commodity here.
sorry im the person that just left the last comment titled anonymous i wanted to leave my url because if anyone is having issues embracing there tone. I would LOVE to have a chat with them and let them know how BLESSED they are.
You're defintely the defintion of a BAD BITCH Jam. No joke girl!
Finally!!!!! Someone agrees with my mother and I that you don't have to have 30 inches of horse hair down your back to look good!!!! Finally, someone beside Oprah to look to (love Oprah, just think its time for another beautiful Black woman to step up)!!!!
Is that really all Michelle Obama is "bringing back"? A skin color???
Maybe she's *bringing back* a woman who understands the importance of keeping the family together and being a beacon of support for her man and not feel like a slave for doing so. Maybe she's *bringing back* the career woman who, at the end of the day, understands where her priorities really are. Maybe she's *bringing back* the idea that a woman can't do it all, despite the (White, wealthy) Feminist-driven myth of the Superwoman; that a together family needs a strong father at the helm. Maybe she's *bringing back* the smart woman who knows a good man and knows that he's not all about the fancy cars and bling but about strong character and compassion. Maybe she's *bringing back* a wife who may have a career but knows how to leave the cutthroat competitiveness at the office and not try to lord it over a strong man who's NEVER going to accept that (no matter how much the Superwoman fantasies say otherwise).
As far as brothas knocking sistas over to get with fat and ugly White chicks, this sounds like more of these comforters BW rely on in order to cope with the fact that 70% are single; another popular one is the nonsense about the down-low. The number of BM with WW (whether the latter are fuglies or dimes, doesn't matter) hovers around 10%. Fuzzy math, if you ask me!
Moreover, there are fat/ugly White women with White guys, fat/ugly Black women with Black guys, fat/ugly Black women with White guys. But to say that BM can only get the worst of WW and that's their (BM) preference is just pathetic, IMHO.
as the caveman said in that geico commercial: uhhhhh....what???
This was a light-hearted look at how color struck we can be in the black community sometimes and I included some of my personal experiences as examples.
All that you're talking about with DL brothers and black men marrying white women--i dont know where all that came from.
Either you got caught up in some hysterical, knee-jerk emotional reaction to my post and didnt bother to actually process what i actually wrote OR maybe you just missed the point.
regardless, lighten up.
All I see is a reaction to a generalization as stated in the beginning of this blog.
"Fat white women"
"Black men"
" Evil Light Skinned Women"
In other words a post that is filled with emotional and illogical rants about you placing yourself into some self victimization/pity category and expecting all the illogical females to "co-sign" and all the men to be "shamed".
It appears to me that you are to focused in on what you view as short comings and self-image issues. Skin color should never be a issue, but common sense and character should.
But it appears that you are judging merit solely based on skin color (or perceived skin color.)
Then again I could have missed the point (although I thought I clearly saw it "this is for all the men who dated...")
Anyone who goes out with the "light is right" mindset is just as illogical as someone who cries VICTIM because they think they are too dark.
"This was a light-hearted look..."
"regardless, lighten up..."
Interesting choice of words... BUT I DIGRESS!
So this was a HUMOROUS post then? Help me out here, what was the joke part again? Where you were called "Ugmo" as a child (being taunted as a child can be very tragic indeed, nothing funny at all about that) or are you simply joshing about the whole skin-tone thing and you weren't really about giving props to the soon-to-be First Lady?
Listen I guess I would be considered "light skinned". I don't know b/c I've been told I'm not b/c I'm not as light as JLo or Alicia Keys but whatever! I agree with the post, and any lighter toned or white woman who doesn't see any truth with this needs to open their eyes.
FYI..My daughter(6) came home last week and said she no longer wants a brown face, she wants a white one! WTF! POINT MADE!
bronx347,
I missed your comment the first time but dang that was deep. I can definitely dig that!
I'm a dark brown skinned sister with natural hair and loving every bit of it. I grew up in the south so I know how color struck people can be "white" and "black".
It's refreshing to see Michelle Obama, another sister of color not only married to the next president of the United States, but also can hold her own when she speaks! Barack the Vote!
Woh. First, what's up with this brown sista stuff. Black is Black. Don't break that unity. There's man who say "blacka da berry sweeta da juice" and there's man who say opposite, no problem with that. The problem is with calling yourself "brown." Look Jam, it's only WHITE people (particularly Anglo-Saxons) who have a problem with colour to that extent that anything NON-WHITE is OTHER. Black has always been INCLUSIVE, don't break that. As to the worship of the wife of Obama, let's get something straight: are you still into this "role-model" worship, if so you gotta break that. Obama will NOT do for Black people anything - see Glen Ford at BlackAgendaReport.com for why.
"Look Jam, it's only WHITE people (particularly Anglo-Saxons) who have a problem with colour to that extent that anything NON-WHITE is OTHER. Black has always been INCLUSIVE, don't break that."
Are you kidding me? If you can write with a straight face that black people dont have any issues with skin color WITHIN the community, then i cant even address anything else you said because its clear im talking to someone completely unaware of reality. And giving someone kudos for their representing the community well is "role-model worship." while you simultaneously plug Glen Ford? Gimme a break ova here...
Its funny, you sound like the fake radical i used to be as a freshman at an HBCU. I'll give you ten years...
peace.
First of all...let me say your baby pic is cute as hell! Second of all thanks for this article. It makes me sick to my stomach the problems that still have. And sicker still that when I bring up this topic to girlfriends they're like " I hear you, but we should just get over it." To hell with that, its a huge problem and I think it is more pervasive than we realize. When black men reject black women based on the fact that they are black, they are rejecting themselves, When black women are systematically told they have no value and are not beautiful then sent out to function in a world where a woman's beauty is EVERY-damn-thing, you have cut her off at the knees. And this hatred goes waaay beyond the way we look. As a dark girl, thanks for the article, Girl thanks for Real!
Thank you Michelle? Why? Just because she's black and she's married to Barack? She hasn't even done anything.
What about Condoleeza Rice? Have you thanked her? I would. She's not married to anybody and she's became the first black woman secretary of state and national security advisor during a critical time in our countrys' history.
I remember reading something about the shade of one's skin, and that women tend to be lighter skinned than men because when they are pregnant they need more vitamin D (created when sunlight is absorbed by your skin).
Just some food for thought.
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